Well, isn’t that a loaded headline? Today, I’m ready to get a little bit more personal than usual but my hope isn’t just to complain about the social awkwardness I’ve experienced recently for years but to hopefully help those who may be in a similar situation OR as a wake-up call to frequent offenders.
Disclaimers: 1) If you are one of many who have recently asked me this question, seriously no hard feelings! I know it comes from a good place and that you ask because you love us. 2) This is 100% a me thing. I didn’t include a picture of Tom + I in the post because this is how I personally feel and he has his own opinions, as he should.
Some background before we jump in: if you’re a long-time follower you know that Tom and I have been together for 8 years (our anniversary is actually this upcoming weekend!). We started dating when we were both at Boston University when I was 19 and he was 20. He moved to NYC when he graduated (2013) so we were long-distance for a whole year before I joined him in the city (2014). We then lived in separate apartments for 3 years before we moved in with each other (read: he moved into my super tiny studio apartment) in 2016. Since then, we’ve traveled (a lot), we became parents to our mini Goldendoodle Duncan, eaten at the best and worst restaurants in NYC, quarantined through a pandemic and so much more.
All in all, it has been pretty much smooth sailing, which leads MANY to ask that overly-excited and anxiety-riddled question, ‘When are you getting engaged?!’ I know there are a ton of worse questions to ask but at this point in time, this one really gets to me. And here’s why…
1| It makes me feel like the only thing that defines my twenties is my relationship status. I am so aware that this is more of a “me” problem than anything else because I internalize EVERYTHING but to take a step back, Tom and I met when I was still a teenager and we decided pretty quickly that we were in it for life and honestly, it was the easiest thing ever. Since then, we’ve done a lot. We both have amazing jobs, we’ve traveled to amazing places, we raised an amazing puppy, and more. Instead of asking about our relationship status, I’d LOVE for someone to ask how work is going, what kind of blog projects I’m working on, what’s the first big trip we’re planning post-pandemic, etc.
2|It makes me feel like I need to explain, which I don’t. As someone who doesn’t plan to propose to Tom myself, I’m not really sure how people want me to answer this question so I start listing off all the reasons why we’re not, which is probably my most toxic trait.
3| You never know what someone’s going through. This one doesn’t necessarily apply to me but whenever I’m asked this question I can’t imagine if it were being asked to someone who was dealing with demons. For starters, we’re in a damn pandemic. There have been a lot of life shifts this year. Life shifts that may have put this particular milestone on hold. This is also why asking this question with a lot of people around is extra cringey for me because I feel uncomfortable explaining that it is an active choice when that isn’t even an option for others.
So, that’s where am at and I’m fully aware that this current POV may change in a minute but I hope this can serve as some fodder before you ask your friend/family member/co-worker/etc. this particular cringe-worthy question.
